A tempting slice of my luxuriously chocolate-covered life.
Dredging up memories
Buried in the grave for centuries
Of love killed by denial and folly
Makes me weary… dreary
The lull has borne much sorrow
Inflicting a wound in a single blow
I try to conquer my demons
To forget without the reasons
A forged smile…
Scars hidden in guile…
I’m cankered by a disease
Longing still cannot cease
Once again… tame me
Hold your breath… feel me
Enkindle again the passionate flame
Kiss away all the pain.
I was “falling” for another boy. The school’s heartthrob, the “beat” of almost every girl’s heart. It’s been a long time since I had an inspiration to make more music, another reason to laugh and to live. And I was happy because the rope of melancholy that’s been choking me for quite a long time had been cut.
On that night, I had a dream. I was in an unfamiliar place. It was silent and calm. The cool breeze was blowing dried leaves everywhere. Strangers were passing by. Romeo was there. We didn’t spoke a word. We were just staring at each other, waiting for each other to make a move. Unconsciously, his lips pressed gently unto mine. I didn’t have time to resist, to object, or to panic. But it was like I was just kissing a piece of marshmallow. I don’t have an idea if it was by accident or he intended it. Then…then… I couldn’t remember what happened next.
I’ve been dreaming a million times already. And it was the first time, according to my memory, that I dreamt something like this. Just as I was beginning to swoon for another guy, it’s as if he wanted to stop me and say “What about us?” My dreams were vague…and mad. The last time, I dreamt that I was avoiding him…then he pleaded and said “I need you.” In some of my dreams, we just stayed together. Or kidding around. Or we’re stuck in the same classroom.
There is a tempest of questions raging in my head. Is this a sin? Is this a sign? Or just another brilliant invention of my subconscious? Yes, I’ve been hurt for the umpteenth time already. Yes, I have wounds. And yeah, I know you think I’m becoming melodramatic. But I’m still my brain is still functional. In reality, we’re drifting apart all because of one reason – doing nothing. And can only be saved if he, I mean “we” do something.
It was our English class. Ma’am Espiritu wasn’t present for some important matter. She just gave Tina the guidelines for our informal theme about the “The Road Not Taken.” My mind wasn’t set for such. It seemed like my creative juices couldn’t flow. I just stayed mum and listened to the unwavering yakking of my classmates. Then, Mara broke the boredom.
“Hey, what’s up with the shout out?” she asked excitedly.
“What shout out?” I replied, pretending not to know.
“Your previous shout out in Friendster. It’s really intriguing. Maybe you’re hiding something. Ooh…”
“At that time I just wanted to emote. Haha. Just a product of my wild imagination.” Gulp! I didn’t sound convincing! My deceptive powers didn’t work.
“C’mon! Spill the beans!” she insisted.
After 5 minutes, I gave in, I gave in… I revealed the secret. The secret that only me, Tina, and Karen know. Well, she promised to be a good girl anyway. So, like Lola Bashang, I started narrating a fairy tale similar to Romeo and Juliet.
“Once upon a time, there lived a princess and a prince. A prince fell in love with her so he did everything for her to notice him - he sent roses, letters, etc. The princess was thrilled and soon they became friends, and the once one-sided affection became mutual. As they began to know each other better, she began to despise him but he still tried to preserve this friendship.
“’…I’m not good enough for you. Sorry,’ was the soliloquy of the princess when she realized that she also had all the bad attitudes that she saw in the prince, and she was even worse…”
Mara listened eagerly. And she devoured every detail, every frivolous trivia. She even chuckled and became ecstatic as the story became hotter.
We played a guessing game if who is the prince charming and the beautiful damsel. But my temper reached its boiling point when she said a lot of names… out loud! Maybe some of our dear classmates were already eavesdropping. And I could already visualize how this juicy secret will eventually evolve into a rumor and perhaps, how the poor bashful protagonists will be featured in “The Buzz.”
I felt the adrenaline rush. I have to fight! Like a knight who took his sword to appease a meek lamb that had turned into a ferocious dragon, I instantly grabbed my tanned 1998 version of Noli Me Tangere and deliberately hit her back! Owww! I could be violent sometimes. At least that kept my reputation from disappearing into a puff of air.
After that, she stopped babbling and forgave me for my silly defensive act. Whew! But I still have to narrate the second chapter, and wait for the next chapters to come to life.
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Sweat trickling.
Hearts throbbing. Blood pressure rising. It was the moment of truth – the most
anticipated distribution of Math test papers.
The class
displayed a wide variety of expressions as we received our precious test
papers. Some had a sigh of relief. The unfortunate ones had long droopy bitter
faces. The others, well, were as
cheerful as always, as if nothing happened.
I couldn’t keep
myself from parading a humongous grin because… I passed! If I was away from prying
eyes, I could have even jumped for joy! In the first place, I thought I would
flunk! During the exam, I was quite mental blocked. I forgot some of the
formulae, how to solve this and that, etc. Good thing I retrieved the things
that I reviewed even in the last 20 minutes!
When our dear
teacher announced the high scorers in Geometry, Statistics, and Elementary
Linear Algebra, almost the same persons were acknowledged. Each one of them
only had only had a mistake or two. Wow. But they are not ordinary human
beings. They are special people who:
Skywalker, Felimon, Mandark, and Drew–the only geniuses in the sea of dopes. Maybe they were the
descendants of Einstein. Or they are just plain mutants… oopsie! Peace! While
our brains were tortured in those frazzling subjects, they stayed cool. As in
they were just blithely chatting with their geeky friends, enjoying eating
their munchies, or having secret pleasure in watching noses bleed. You see, we
had an excellent versatile skill for flunking quizzes related to x and y.
After all my pain
and agony, I realized the most important formula of all. The key to survival
that will decrease the mortality rate of Math passers in the world. That is:
listen to the teacher+study well+love Math+prayer=satisfactory scores. Voila!
And if everyone would apply that, more happy faces will surely be evident
everywhere. 
Note: I don’t despise math wizards. In
fact, they are my friends. Trust me, they become very helpful before–but not
during!–quizzes.
I stumble over and over again. A million times, in a million ways. At school, at home… almost everywhere. I keep on hurting people - people I love, people I care about… or people who love and care about me?
After all these mistakes, I admit, I keep on making lame excuses for myself. And of course, there is always a trial-and-error to stand up again but my futile efforts lead to backfires. Ugh. Sometimes, I just want to burst out crying. But deviantly, tears won’t fall from my eyes. I even want to bang my head on the wall. But it cannot appease the pain that keeps creeping back. There was a time when I convinced myself that I am a DORK. A sullen loser.
"To err is human." But I’m not a human.
Riiiiiiiiiiiing!
It was recess
time.
I was walking
across the hallway with my best friends… I wished Tina and Karen would walk a
little bit faster. They were like walking idly and airily under the pale
moonlight in a world wherein time is out of history. As if such a world could
exist.
Going back to my
tale, we were going downstairs, heading to the canteen to buy some yummy
munchies. And unexpectedly, I saw him. I really
saw him. As soon as my brain processed the data, I took my eyes off him, walked
straight ahead, and tried hard to focus my attention on other things.
My body response
was so automatic. Perhaps, it already turned into an involuntary action.
He almost did the
same. No hi, no hello, no high- five. Plain nothing.
This is always the
scenario. Not only in recess time, but even in lunch time, dismissal…any time.
But there’s
something wrong.
The typical
reaction of a girl when she sees the object of her infatuation is like this:
her heart races, her face flushes, and instantly loses herself in the
exhilarating feeling of sheer rapture.
And my aberrant
reaction when I see the object of my infatuation is like this: stolid and
callous. Period.
Catching a glimpse
of him is inevitable. And every time I see him, I feel a little twinge of
guilt. I should be befriending him, right? But I don’t know how to approach
him. I have a grade of 75 in Boy-ology 101.
I’m still
pondering on the possible reasons behind his actions.
1st
Option: Because of shyness.
2nd
Option: Because he was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD)
3rd
Option: Others. (Um… I can’t think of any.)
And fairy
godmother Karen would always vote for the 1st option, encouragingly.
What seems to be an
inspiration is becoming a problem. Still, I don’t want to ditch him out of my
life.
I’m still hoping
that things will be alright. Anyway, we still have approximately 2 years
remaining. J
Nakakaantok.
Siesta time na. Pero paano naman ako magsi-siesta kung nasa SLC ako? Hay…
Pero biglang
nabuhay ang dugo ko. Paparating na ang mga seniors na kakandidato para sa
Central Student Council. Dala-dala nila ang kanilang campaign materials –
props, slogans, puzzle pieces at isang napakalaking KATOL.
Tapos, bigla kong
namataan si Vampire. Sayang, wala si Karen M.
“Good morning, St.
Peter the Rock…”
Namutla ang mukha
ko.
Sumakit ang tyan
ko.
At ‘di ko na
napigilan ang aking sarili.
“Wahahahahaha!”
Nagtinginan sialng
lahat sa akin. Takaw-eksena daw ang naging dating ko. E sino ba naman ang ‘di
matatawa e hapon nun?
At pinagpatuloy
nya ang kanyang speech.
“Ako si Ka-TOL
_____, tumatakbo bilang CSC Over-all ______ Chairman… Ang ibig sabihin ng TOL
ay The Outstanding Leader. Kami ay magsisilbing role models sa inyong lahat…
Kami rin ay maihahalintulad sa isang DOG – man’s bestfriend… …”
Konti lang ang
na-absorb ko eh. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Anyway, tinatanong
nya sa sa amin kung anong trip namin na projects.
At humirit si
Kevin. “Dog pound.”
Nagpatuloy ang
pangangampanya. Sumunod naman ang candidates sa Over-all Liturgical Chairman,
Peace and Harmony Chairman, atbp. Grabe talaga ang tawanan sa klase! Mas lalo
na nang sila ay nagpakitang-gilas sa sing-and-dance portion.
Ang hirap palang
ma-suppress! Imagine, para akong nanonood ng Bubble Gang na naka-masking tape
ang bibig ko. E sabi kasi ni Ma’am
Rimando, “Show respect. Makinig nang mabuti sa mga plataporma nila. Please
don’t make fun of them…”
To
the max talaga ang entertainment tuwing CSC campaign! Sayang nga lang dahil
absent si Karen M. Nagka-dengue dengue pa kasi. ‘Di nya na tuloy nasaksihan ang
amazing stunts ni Vampire!
Oh, man… I woke
up feeling not so good. This phenomenon rarely happens. That’s why it’s called
a phenomenon.
Ever since I
became I junior, more problems came. First, there is a brutal competition in III - St. Peter the Rock. Just joking! Hehe. We are still happy anyway. Next, teachers have sky-high expectations
from us. Grabe, di ko ma-reach. If only I could ride on an airplane, I would.
Or better yet ride on a rocket to go to outer space, and exceed their expectations.
It’s like “You should be like this, you should be like that. The other sections
can do this well, why can’t you?” Ouch. It’s very poignant. What’s more
heartbreaking is that they always blame II – St. Lorenzo Ruiz (I’m a Ruizian)
for stirring Sir Abat’s anger before. All they need to do is to plaster notes
on our foreheads saying “NOTORIOUS.”
Most of all, my other friends are in the 2nd floor while we are in
the 3rd floor. It’s like we’re isolated from the rest of the world.
I feel haggard,
distressed, and depressed. I feel numb and dumb. I feel like a cross
pessimistic sullen wretch. Huhu. Sniff,
sniff. I just hope that this rain will go away. Rain, rain, go away! I want
to be happy today!
There are two
sides in every story. If there’s a bad side, there is always a good one.
First, I was able to realize my mistakes. Like writing ambiguously like a
doctor. When I was in 1st year and 2nd year, our teachers
didn’t question it. But now, it’s different. I was a procrastinator – rushing
in going to school, rushing my assignments, rushing in reviewing for quizzes…And
I wasn’t a very good leader. Moreover, I learn a lot of things. “It’s better to
be wise than to be intelligent.” “We could not be trusted with big matters
unless we become faithful in small ones.” “You should make ways to keep your
friends.” “Be more responsible because you’re not a sophomore or freshman
anymore…” All I need to do now is to apply them.
Okay, just
breathe in, breathe out. I can surpass this. I won’t give up! As John Ruben puts it, “Bawat problema ay may solusyon. Kung walang solusyon, ‘wag mo nang problemahin."
It was 7:25 am. There I was – running,
panting, running, panting…. in a distorted rhythm. I only got 5 minutes to save
myself from the 1-kilometre line of students getting admittance slips. Worse, I
was only 50% sure where our new classroom is! Without further ado, I rushed to
the 3rd floor, assuming that classroom of 3rd year science high
section A last school year is still our classroom. Having second thoughts, I
asked Ms. Licay “San po ang St. Peter?” but she replied, “Ewan ko.” Waaaah! So
I just run, run, run in the aisle of the unfamiliar students who primly formed
their queue. Luckily, I saw sir Abat (my hero!) and he pointed where our
classroom is. Whew! I was almost late. Sir Abat even said, “Walang pasaway ha!”
Hehe.
After the flag ceremony, I sat on one of
the chairs in the front row. No choice. As I was scanning the faces of my
classmates, I felt a tingle of joy! Tina’s there, Bea’s there, Karen M’s there,
Debbie’s there, Dominic’s there… The extraordinary super hilarious jokers are
also there - Edmark, John Ruben… I bet III - St. Peter will be a very happy
class. Anyway, Ma’am Agnes Rimando is our adviser. She’s been teaching in SLC
since the world begun. What’s the best word to describe her? She said it’s
STRICT – as in serious, straight-forward, and not a smiley face. She never
failed to bombard us with pieces of sermon. “Wala nang pa-cute cute, pa-baby
baby, at pa-bully bully,” she said. Since the top 50 students are in the class
(33 girls, 17 boys) and it’s a homogenous section (all are intelligent), there
will be high expectations, more pressure, harder quizzes, and maybe extra-tight
competition. I just hoped that there will still be a hostile atmosphere. No
daggers or weapons of mass destruction please! We also have 3 electives –
Statistics, Elementary Linear Algebra, and Research. When we were copying our
schedule, I found that we have new teachers. But Ms. Solis and Mr. Ormita, my
favourite teachers, will be our teachers! Hurrah!
We will voyage into another chapter of our
lives – The Junior Life. As the new heirs and heiresses of this crown (ahem!),
big responsibilities and trials will surely come. All I know is that all of us
will emerge as victors in this battle no matter what!
Hello, people! I have just created my blog!
It’s not really my first time in blogging. I had one before but I wasn’t able
to update it and I forgot my password. So why “Chocolate Paper, Chocolate
Scribbles?” Well, it’s because I like to eat chocolate bars, chocolate cakes,
chocolate ice creams… and I drink chocolate shakes, chocolate shakes… In short, I’m allergic to chocolates. And when
I’m bored, I scribble on pieces of paper. Anyway, special thanks to Karen M. for the
wonderful title of my first post! Hehehe.
Here are some things you need to
know about me:
These
are just little details about me. Haha. I hope that you’ll be able to know me
better and see beyond what the eyes can perceive. 
